No Excuses series (part 3): "But it was a gift"

11 April 2022

This is the third in a three-part series of posts debunking the three excuses I hear most frequently from clients for wanting to keep items they no longer use or love. The series originally ran in January and February 2017 and I decided it was worth running again. Click here to see the other articles in the series.

The third common excuse I hear for keeping an unloved or unused item is that it was a gift. This is a tough one. People tend to have a difficult time parting with items that were given to them. (As an aside, this has completely changed how I give gifts, knowing that my gift may some day become clutter for the recipient.)

What do I say to clients who tell me they can’t let go of something because it was a gift? The first question I ask is:

Do you think the gift giver would really want you to keep something you don’t use, just because they gave it to you? If they knew you were investing time and money in paring down your belongings and getting organized, would they care if you let it go?

Usually that’s enough to help the client release it. If that doesn’t do the trick, I might ask:

Is there another family member you can pass this on to who would love it?

That can be very helpful, especially when the gift giver has passed away. (I’m the thrilled recipient of some paintings that my grandmother created, given to me by her nieces when they were decluttering.)

Really, what I find is that the client just needs permission to let gifts go. So let me do that for you right now: You are not obligated to keep an item you don’t use or love just because it was a gift. I give you permission to re-gift it or donate it. Don’t stash it in a closet. And try not to worry that the giver will ever ask about it. Chances are they won’t.

Tagged with: decluttering, worth repeating

Comments

I have a 4th excuse you haven’t addressed – sentimentality or nostalgia. I have an organ (musical, not a body part) that I don’t play anymore. I always wanted an organ ever since I saw my grandmother’s as a young child. I finally got one in high school and took lessons for several years. I have bought newer organs over the years. I never play it anymore, but I’m hesitant to get rid of it because of the sentimentality associated with it. Yet it is taking up a lot of space. I’m fearful that I will be sad once it’s gone even though I don’t use it anymore. What can you suggest?

Robin April 15, 2022 02:16 PM

Robin, sentimentality can definitely get in the way of letting go of items that don’t serve you. I always tell people that the more of a category of sentimental items you keep, the less special any of it becomes. In your example of an organ, I suggest getting in touch with whether the fear of being sad is as powerful as the desire to have the space the organ is taking up. Perhaps think about how easily you might be able to get past that sadness, should you feel it. And finally, envision the organ being sold or donated to someone who could really use it. I hope that’s helpful!

Janine Adams April 17, 2022 09:42 AM